The Elephant in the Room

 

Can we please talk about the 

elephant in the room?

Is it just me, or has anyone else been feeling like there's a lot of contention going on lately?  Can we talk about what I feel may be contributing to this contention?  It really is the elephant in the room that no one seems to want to discuss.  

But I like rooms, and I like elephants, so I figure what's the big deal, right? 

So,I recently had a conversation that changed the way I have been thinking.  This conversation was about how difficult it can be to make decisions during this interesting time we find ourselves living in. There's a lot of confusion out there, and with all the differing opinions available to us, it can be really challenging to make choices. This is true even when it comes to what once would have been a simple insignificant choice.  For example, Simply stating you are planning on making a trip to the store can trigger a slew of differing reactions from people.

I know you're familiar with what I'm talking about here.  We've all seen it.  The varying circumstances of our world and society have created this unique situation where our conversations with others, posts on social media, and the ongoing narrative between news outlets leaves us scratching our heads in confusion. We often find ourselves forming an opinion, but how can we not?  We are hard-wired to use discernment in all situations.  

But let's be honest...that's not the issue here.  The elephant in the room that no one really wants to confront is division...particularly the division that results from choosing a "side" and then taking a stand. The differing opinions on all sides of the issues we face on the daily can easily cause division...which then leads to contention.

In the midst of the challenges we are facing as a nation and country right now, we find ourselves constantly coming to a fork in the road where we need to make a choice based on what we know and believe. This is nothing new...it's actually the hallmark of America.  We're free to make choices, and free to choose differently from another.

But lately, something has shifted in this inspired dynamic people are finding themselves in conflict with others because of differing opinions and choices. And sometimes these differences can create problems in our relationships and with those we love and respect.

I don't think we mean for this to happen.  We feel so passionately about an issue that when someone feels the opposite, it can create strong feelings of frustration. I believe that this is often the result of Putting Passion before principle. Allow me to explain:

My hubby and I had "date night" in the living room the other night. How did we accomplish this with kids at home?  Great question! 

It began with us and the kids all lounging on the couch and deciding we wanted to watch a movie. Ryan and I insist on being the ones to choose the movie this time, which often ends up being some "old" movie from the (*gasp) 80's or 90's. This clears the room quickly and the hubs and I are suddenly left alone with the remote and the popcorn.  Whamo!  Date night!  

So we decided to watch a great 80's classic, "The Karate Kid." We spent much of the movie quoting our favorite lines as they came on ("Show me, Sand the floor!")  My hubby, Ryan, prefers the line during the ending fight scene when Johnny's ANNOYING little friend (who actually looks a lot like a rat) yells from the sidelines "Get him a body bag!" and then does this ear-piercing rat-like chuckle (See clip below.

Unfortunately, Ryan has mastered this line, complete with the annoying laugh, and likes to say it over and over and over again. (This helped with the clearing of the room before the show started as well). But it eventually grew on me, and by the end we were both saying it to see who could do it better. (You know you want to say it now too!)

Anyway, this movie night resulted in me wanting to watch the second Karate Kid movie, which I did the next night when Ry was at work.  While this night was much less entertaining (because Ryan wasn't home of course) I noticed a Mr. Miyagi phrase that really had an impact on me:

Ah, Mr. Miyagi...so full of wisdom and truth! We all need a little more Miyagi in our lives...

So, this got me thinking.  How often do we act, or rather react, out of passion rather than focusing on the principle?  When we feel passionate about something, it triggers strong emotions, and often we let those emotions lead out.  When we do this, we can act impulsively and say or do things we might not otherwise say, which takes away from the principle we feel so strongly about in the first place.  It would be much more effective in our interactions with others if we learn to take the emotion out (as much as possible) and focus on the principle.  When we do this we are using the logical part of our brain rather than the emotional part, and it helps to really understand what is being said.  And we might discover that we agree a lot more than we disagree. 

As many of you know, I'm a religious person and the beliefs I have often affect the way I look at things. As I was thinking about differing opinions and conflict, I thought about this video clip that comes from a talk given by a religious leader in my faith (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints).  In this clip, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf uses a story about an elephant to explain how truth can often get mixed up with perception.

I love the elephant story in this! Notice how all the men were describing their truth according to their own experience.  And they each thought they were "right" and the others were wrong.  BUT THEY WERE ALL RIGHT. Thinking of this helped me to understand that much of the contention and differing opinions among us are due to "what part of the elephant" we are touching...our own personal experiences. We may not see the truth in someone else's opinion because we are busy focusing on what WE know, rather than considering what we might NOT know.

So here's what I hope, and here's what I'm going to try.  The next time I'm having a conversation with someone who has a differing opinion, I'm going to take a step back and try to understand what part of the elephant they are touching and where their opinion is coming from. Then I'm going give them the space to believe that truth.  I will be respectful and not discount their opinion based on mine, because they may know something that I don't.  And my hope is that by doing this, it will cause less division among us as neighbors, family members, and friends.  Because the division is what hurts us the most.  

What would my good friend Mr. Miyagi have to say about this?

“To make honey, young bee need young flower, not old prune.” – Mr. Miyagi

Actually, that has absolutely nothing to do with this conversation, but I just wanted to see who is listening.  Ha!  

But really, I think this bit of advice is a good one to follow:

“Don’t forget to breathe, very important.” – Mr. Miyagi

Let's all just breathe...

XOXOXO

Becky

PS....

Mr. Miyagi approves this message....

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